


Sleepless Nights

by mickeylovesian



Series: The Coming Wave [4]
Category: Shameless (US), gallavich - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 21:09:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/944686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mickeylovesian/pseuds/mickeylovesian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>response to a prompt on tumblr: Mickey lies in bed and thinks about his and Ian's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleepless Nights

Mickey sighed, rolled over and shoved Svetlana, trying to get her to roll over onto her side. She always snored more when she was on her back. It was so loud he was on the verge of shoving some of her dumbass cotton balls that were always all over the bathroom into his ears. Not as if he actually thought he would be able to sleep, even in silence.   
No. While the snoring didn’t help, he knew the real reason he spent every night tossing and turning, waking up in a cold sweat or unable to fall asleep at all was Gallagher’s fault. Or, if he was being honest with himself, which he usually was only as the clock hit the early morning hours, was his own fault. 

His inability to confess something he knew to be true and the terror that everything would fall apart again because of it is what kept him awake at night. What ate at him every second his was in his bed. In the daylight, it was easier to ignore, especially within Ian’s presence but at night, with his snoring wife, there was nothing to distract him. 

Sometimes he couldn’t believe how far they had come since New Year’s. Or even since that beautiful day in March when Terry had been sentenced. For the third time, Mickey had kissed him and although Ian had held out on a full sexual relationship for at least a month longer, Mickey hadn’t minded. Not much anyway. 

When they finally did have sex, it was Ian who initiated it during a rare moment alone in the Gallagher house. Although he would never admit it, because that would be way too gay, Mickey thought it had been the best sex they had ever had. Even gayer, he thought, was the fact that he knew it was because unlike the last time, they had built up their relationship on friendship and not sex. And now, there was something deeper to them. 

They hung out often that spring; sneaking into Sox games, helping Lip get the ice cream truck ready for summer, hours restocking the shelves at the store. They got drunk and high, they talked, and they sat in silence. They were together.

Still, there was an ever present fear within Mickey that he would lose Ian again. Despite the strides they had made, he knew his inability to tell Ian the truth was holding them back. He knew Ian didn’t expect much in terms of romance or gay shit like that, but he did expect validation that he wasn’t the only one feeling the way he did. And Mickey, although he tried to show it, still couldn’t say it. 

How long could he expect Ian to put up with this? To be able to have only part of Mickey? Mickey knew that his marriage was more painful to Ian than it was to himself. He was ready, although unhappy, to spend the next three years in this sham of a marriage. And although he knew Ian was slowly coming to terms with it, Mickey knew it couldn’t be long until he gave up. 

Thoughts of Ian enlisting, going to college, or finding a guy who was able, and willing, to give him everything Mickey couldn’t haunted his nights. He rolled over and stared at the clock. He tried to block the thoughts, but as usual, they kept coming. He knew that Ian deserved more than part of him; more than waiting around for him to man up. He knew it, yet he was terrified of the moment when Ian realized it too. 

“You’re a fucking pussy,” Mandy had said all those months ago. She was right, now more than ever. Even after somehow getting Ian back and losing the constant threat of Terry, Mickey was still too much of a pussy to say how he felt. He knew now that chasing after Ian wouldn’t have made him a bitch; what made him a bitch was this state of limbo he was constantly in. 

He tried to show Ian his feelings through actions, and sometimes he actually believed that Ian knew the truth. They say that actions speak louder than words, but Mickey knew, that until he could actually find the words, he was always one step away from losing him again.

Svetlana let out a big snore and Mickey cursed. “I fucking hate you,” he said to his sleeping wife, who finally rolled over on her own. 

 

Finally around 4:30, tired of lying there unable to fall asleep, he got out of bed. The thoughts usually stayed away if he was moving around. He grabbed a sweatshirt that still smelled like Ian and headed outside. The streets were quiet and dark, the sun just beginning to get ready to show itself to the new day. He put the sweatshirt on; despite being June, it was cold without the sun. 

He made his way to the Kash and Grab, where he knew Linda would be up getting the store ready for the day. He knocked on the door and she let him in.

“Bit early for you to be up, isn’t it?” she asked, locking the door behind him. 

“Couldn’t sleep. Mind if I make a breakfast sandwich?”

“Not as long as you pay for it,” she said, heading into the back.

 

Fifteen minutes later he lit a cigarette and made his way over to the Gallagher house. Just as he did every time, he wondered how many times he would be able to make this walk before Ian had enough. Standing outside the gate, he opened his phone and scrolled to G. He answered on the fourth ring.

“Do you have any idea what fucking time it is?”

“Just get your ass outside.”

 

Five minutes later Ian stepped outside, pulling a sweater around himself and rubbing his eyes. “What the fuck Mickey. I have graduation in a few hours. What is so important it couldn’t wait?”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“So that means I can’t either?”

“Come on. I brought you breakfast,” he said, holding out the sandwich. “Bacon egg and cheese. I even put ketchup on it even though that shit is nasty.”  
Ian stared at Mickey, blinking as if in awe, for a few seconds before sighing and making his way down the stairs. 

 

They walked and ate in silence, neither of them speaking until they were sitting on the ledge of the abandoned buildings. How many more times will we be up here together? Mickey thought, but he pushed it out of his head.

“Thanks for breakfast.”

“It’s the least I could do,” Mickey said, hoping Ian would understand. Ian put his hand on Mickey’s, who lit a cigarette and together they watched the sunrise over the Southside.


End file.
